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But my attitude about dating has become more hopeful, as I’ve gotten more comfortable in my body, and used to making decisions that feel supportive to myself.This June, for instance, I attended the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference for the first time.And, while I felt no need to explain myself, I replied.“My status as a trans person is my personal business, and I feel no need to have to explain it to strangers. Secondly, if you think sex is purely genital-to-genital, I feel sorry for you!I was waiting until we had gotten to know each other better.”Then she pulled out “the big guns,” or perhaps I should say “gun.”“Well, I like sex! ”Some of you may find this shocking, but sadly, this kind of gender (and genitalia) policing happens to many transgender people who simply want to go out, have a fun time and meet people.And yet, the basic tools given to you by most dating sites don’t leave much room for personalization.Most sites allow you to choose between only two genders, male and female.After this notable dating disaster, I went on other dates that didn’t go as badly; but quite honestly, many people are not as open-minded as they’d like to believe.I recall planning a couple of potential dates in which the person explicitly acknowledged being comfortable about meeting a trans person, and then would politely back out before the date even happened.
Just weeks ago, I received a message from a local woman on the dating site where I had revealed my trans status.
I planned to meet up with some trans guys who were members of a Facebook page I belonged to.
I had not met any of them, but we are a very tight-knit group online, and I was excited about meeting.
But we had pleasant enough conversation, and got along.
Our mutually neutral reaction to one another must’ve had some promise, as we planned to go on another date the following weekend.